The Almighty Marriage!!! Take Some Time to read I urge You!
Marriage is a good thing, But there are many other good things also in the world -My dad will tell me.
Being Born then raise as a girl in Africa, You must have seen it. Your parents ask you to make food for your brothers who are older than you, the teachers give the women mob the floor punishment and the men cut the grass, the girls goes for domestic science classes and the boys goes for Rural science classes , We buy girl children pink toys and dresses and we buy the boy child Blue,Black Guns,Machines,Planes Toys to play with...
This goes on and on and on,the segregation continues, everyday the girl child is trained to be a princess who wears pink dresses and paints her rooms pink and play with Cinderella Toys and learns domestic chores and how to marry a supposed prince that she's suppose to serve him. No one, i mean, no one is teaching the boy how to be a husband. He's groomed to be Just A man, who should do rural hard work and be served by a woman .
Today, If you a woman dares to talk, you are reminded about your mothers and ancestors. Well, we are here now and Breaking News- It's no longer working. We have been born for such a Time as Now, yes Today.
Too many women are suffering in their marital homes. Yes, too many women are crying silently everyday and it's not for reasons like a medical illness but from Abuse.All sorts and kinds and types of Abuse ranging from mental, physical, emotional,psychological,financial,sexual etc.
For the sake of this article, it is important to note that Men are also suffering from Abuse-Please my wonders permit me to focus on the women...as you know Am A woman!
TO THE SINGLE WOMEN - To some of you who are still unmarried, please listen to me. Please I urge you from my heart.I promise to tell you ONLY the truth. Work Hard Women, please work hard.
i: GET AN EDUCATION - Let me define education for you in few sentences please.
-If you love sewing and you can sew, go and learn it from a nearby established Tailor/seamstress... that's an education.
-If you love hair styling,making, plaiting, hair dressing, go an learn...that's an education
-If you love make Up, Painting, Photography, Carpentry, Mechanic work shop, Car dealerships, Writing, Blogging, Computer,Business, please go and learn it...that's an education.
-If you want to be a doctor, nurse, pilot, engineer, everything you want, you will have to go to school for these.You will have to get an education for this.
There's a difference between going to school like four walls of a classroom and getting an education ( my father's dictionary).
There comes a time when You step away from the regular classroom to the practical realistic world.
ii: MAKE SURE YOU KNOW YOUR JOB - Whatever you finally decide to do, Know it, and do it well
-Know your job, capentry, sewing, make up, which ever one is your job...please know it well and be ready to apply it whenever its needed.
iii: SAVE SOME MONEY -This is very important
-You have to save something. You must be disciplined enough to save something for yourself. You just have to save no matter how little.
-Dare to dream more and even grow - How much does it cost to dream ? Nothing, so tell me why you are afraid to dream.
-Dream about starting your small shop by the front house, dream about going to your neighbors house and asking them if you can make their Easter dresses for lower cost, dream about selling your products on facebook, blackberry,and social media, then ACT ON YOUR DREAM LITTLE BY LITTLE.
You will be amazed, I promise you.
iv: GET BUSY - Please Get Busy
-You have to be doing something, Modelling, Acting, Writing, Tailoring,Business, Working...You just have to be doing something. If you can't get a paid job as a student, Find a non paying job and work for someone for a limited time. Trust me, You will loose nothing during that time. You will gain everything.
v: ASPIRE TO MARRY - Yes, only, If you want to, if you love the idea of it by the least, then Yes, Aspire to marry.
- Marry For A Reason: I want to be very careful what i say here because i know , yes i know how Religious we all can get , so I say Again, Marry For A Reason. So, Find a reason, make sure you have a reason to get married at all. Love has a reason! Yes, even those who say i love James so much and i love Jacob so much also have a reason. So yes, make sure you have a reason. Read Why I say this ...Read My words and don't misconstrue me...
a) Marry a very rich man and the world will say it's because of his money especially if you or your family were looked at that way.
b) Marry A man from the US/UK/EUROPE/ABUJA/LAGOS/ and the world will say it's because you just wanted to go out of the country and use him to obtain your documentations or citizen.
c) Marry An Older man, the world will say it's because you are now getting old and marry a younger man and the world will say He married you for your money.
d) Marry and they will categorize your husband to the cute/ugly/average/old/ level. Listen to me, the world and it's people will always say something...and Guess what? They are Right! Because, Fortunately, we all need a reason to do everything we do in life. Trust me, Everything the human does has a reason -THE ONLY THING THE HUMAN BEING DOES NOT CONTROL IS WHICH CHILD GOES TO WHICH PARENT TECHNICALLY, Y did not chose your parents. No one can control that ( scientist- i don't want to debate please )
e) So, If you want to marry James because he's very handsome, go ahead and marry James.
You want to marry Jacob because he's rich ,go ahead and marry Jacob because he is Rich.
You want to marry James because he Lives in OBODO OYIBO, go AHEAD AND MARRY James for that Too.
You want to marry Jacob because he is going to help you become a producer, Help you achieve your dreams, Go ahead.
If you even want to marry James because all of your friends are married and more are still getting married, Yes, still go ahead.
(There's nothing wrong in wanting to do things that your friends did if its going to make you happy too) - You know why? because just maybe, that your friend also got married because some other friend did too.
Aspire, to marry if you love to be married, Find a reason and do it for that reason. After all, even the women who want to be married desperately are SPOUSE CHOOSY TILL DATE, THIS MEANS THAT, THE FACT THAT A WOMAN WANTS TO GET MARRIED DESPERATELY AND TODAY TODAY DOESN'T MEAN SHE IS NOT SAYING NO TO A PARTICULAR KIND OF PERSON/PEOPLE.
VI: BE PURPOSEFUL, BE PASSIONATE ABOUT LIVING - You have to be excited about something in this life. You were not born to crawl, walk, do nursery, finish primary school and maybe college, then go from page to page on Facebook for nothing and keep posting pictures and wait for a man to marry you, and have kids and teach them exactly what you did. Bringing them back to the same cycles and what is widely known as the RAT RACE. Come On Wonders!!!
TO THE MARRIED WOMEN - This is a very tough Group!
You are married now, Yes you have finally married. Yes Madame's, You are now MRS SOMEBODY , You are here now, You have arrived! Hahahahahhaha. I laugh a lot at these parts cause its an unending piece - FOREVER.
I: You just got yourself a best friend.
Someone you can tell your emotions to without fear of judgement. Someone you spend nights, mornings, days, and you talk to daily. Damn! This is hard, because even your female best friend you didn't get to see her everyday or talk to them everyday or owe a duty to, because in marriage, you owe your husband a duty, The duty of care, the one you agreed to with your big mouth at the courts or altar or signed to.
You owe him a duty of care and he will remind you of that as long as he remembers, lol
Bonding,Desire,Respect,Fighting's,Communication,Finances,Family,In-laws,Ex-Wive,Step Kids,History ,Reality all plays and dangles in-front of you,Yes and FAITH TOO.
MARRIAGE IS SO OVERWHELMING THAT IT ALL SEEMS TOO MUCH AND YOU THINK IT'S GONNA GET BETTER AND BY THE NEXT TIME YOU LOOK INTO THE MIRROR - YOU HAVE AGED!
Yeah - I know, I know. Some people have amazing Husbands who make this journey look far much better. But I promise to write an article in favor of the men too shortly. Yes I will.
It's so overwhelming for the woman, she has to look beautiful, go through her Menstrual period and share this knowledge with her husband, miscarriages sometimes, pregnancies, babies, post traumatic stress, and she still has to be great at her job , whatever job she is doing, so many changes goes through her body, her breast becoming more sloppy, her stomach,bigger and folding, not enough time to juggle between fashion, beauty, clean house, kids, her skin becomes less enchanting, and talk more of Sex with her husband.
It all becomes so tiring and she just wants to rest,sleep and cry sometimes for no reason.
And while dealing with all these - Your husband starts reminding you of the sexy Collette Orji on Your TV SCREEN, and even worst still start having sexual feeling for younger women and starts considering the idea of keeping a mistress with the stupid excuse of you not giving him attention - Oh God!
In the name of Reason She is just one woman, one person like you.
It becomes so over bearing, You even find out he is cheating now openly and fully. The last two times you raised the topic, he says:- Yes, am sleeping with Jane and Thelma, if you don't like it, YOU CAN PACK YOUR THINGS AND GO! OH WOMAN! OH POOR SOUL OF A WOMAN!
Amidst the journey, she becomes so sad, depressed. That was the best man she married and displayed their pictures everywhere for everyone to understand marriage is sweet, she flashes back and remembers, and thinks and she tries to talk to him again, He becomes Violent.
Now Physical, he Beats You...this normally starts with a slap and grows into random verbal abuse.
III: THE DENIAL PHASE -
She starts praying once again, she had forgotten how to really pray. she starts making special time with pastor, priest, prayer groups, she goes from one phase of denial to another .
The man moves from your friend to Your wicked Boss in the office. You take permission from him even before saying Good morning.
This is the worst phase, because you LOOSE YOURSELF completely.
It normally takes a public shock for this phase to get over, like him beating you in public, or a sudden hit.
Then,the woman goes into the next phase. Another Dangerous Phase
IV: SHAME AND LIES AND REGRETS -
Hmmmmmm, this is a bad phase! What will people SAY?
Hahahhahahahahahhahaha...She totally forgets that people will always say something,
( My dad taught me that one very much...People are people my dad will say).
The woman is so ashamed that, she will lie and lie and lie to even drink water. Her Kids gives her Hope, But she's weak...Thereby teaching her daughters it's okay to be weak and teaching her sons, It's okay for Daddy to behave that way.
WHAT A SHAME! IT IS NOT.....
Mothers please be strong for your children by standing please. You are Ruining them by crying every night helplessly as if your hands are tied.
She starts thinking about Divorce, How can she walk away after all the years, and prayers et all.
She talks to a lawyer...GBAM!!!
Divorce is so expensive. She screams, You mean You have to be able to raise all this money to divorce a man who did your dowry with just 100NAIRA?
Where is the Happy Ending- She ask?
So why does everyone wants to get married ? Does it Mean that there are no good marriages? Is it that bad? Well.....
You Can Also Read here ( Why marriages continue to fail ) If You MISSED IT.....
To Be Continued My Wonders......
Real Talk With COLLETTE ORJI