COLLETTE ORJI -- WHY MARRIAGES CONTINUES TO FAIL IN OUR WORLD TODAY...

This is me hoping...I make sense to you and you and you because as you can see, I make sense to me. Now! if I don't make sense to you ( for the sake of debate and civility, you can explain- be civil please)...

Marriage is such a huge endless diverse topic that 'no one person can fully encapsulate it to work for everybody rightly'. But for the sake of this discussion today- May this make more sense to The Unmarried and may it also redefine and help the Married/engaged/Lovers better understand some Realistic Absolute Truth.





These are my Opinions, Learned and acquired Wisdom, experiences and the fact that I KNOW and i'm never unwilling to relearn and know more!
Hmmmm! Let's Talk About Some of Today's Marital Issues and Possible Reasons why there's so much Falling apart of Marriages

1: THERE'S NO MARRIAGE WITHOUT EQUALITY 

This is such a very hard issue for men to chew and also a reality most African women are struggling with today.
Should I say there's no HAPPY MARRIAGE WITHOUT EQUALITY? I don't know if I should say that but yes - (inequality) It worked with our parents and grandparents.

Yes! I know... My mum did all the house chores growing up as HER DUTY, HER JOB...so yes, I know. That was wrong!

Very Incorrect but it worked for them. She agreed it was hers to do so that was fine. But it's obvious women are Rebelling today about this which means Men have become even more Rebellious about it. When I say Equality...am talking about everything:- From Finances, to respect to love to home building to babysitting.
There's no Happy marriage/Relationship today without Equality.

2: RESPECT WORKS MORE THAN LOVE IN MARRIAGES 

Yes! we can all love people and still misbehave! Love is now an excuse for misbehaving as a matter of fact. Both women and men are expected to abuse each other and fool themselves with Forgiveness because of Love.
This is so unfortunate because, When someone respects you, you will be amazed at how much they will restrain themselves from abusing or misbehaving or torturing you because of that respect.
 Respect keeps us inline while love encourages us to act out and of-course expect Forgiveness.

3: THERE IS NEITHER A HEAD OR TAIL IN MARRIAGE -

I know all these churchgoers people will come for me on this line.
Am sorry my Wonders, am simply telling you all, What you already know, which is why you are fighting every day within you because deep within you, you know you are both equal. This idea of the Head of the house will destroy most of you religious people.
You are not my head because you were born with a PENIS and am Your maybe Tail or  body or Foot because I was born with a VAGINA!
NO MAN IS HEAD OF ANY WOMAN NEITHER IS ANY WOMAN HEAD OF ANY MAN! Yes! There I said it.
You are your wives husband, not her head and you are your husband's wife and not his head...CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU GUYS PLEASE HEAR ME?
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO ANSWER YOUR HUSBANDS NAME OR NOT...It's NOT A LAW, IT IS CHOICE!

4: CHURCH AND RELIGION AND STUPIDITY:

Yes- you hear me! It is not God that comes from heaven to find a man for you and vice versa. There is no sign from any heaven or Hell that tells you to marry Mr. John or Miss Mary. You have a reason, Mind, intellect, interest and of course natural instincts - Please USE THEM.
Why are you guys fooling each other? Why do you need a pastor to look ( with x-rays I guess) to confirm if Mr. John is truly your husband?
Have you gone to your own Pastors house to see how they live? People are so greedy!
 You did not take that man who lives in a one-room house and rides a 504 car to your pastor, oh, You waited and carefully manipulated your greedy desires and only took the man who lives in UK and Lagos and Works in Chevron- that's the man you took his picture to your pastor?
Goat Head! Pretending and using God's name in Vain.
The Bible says the Bible says...Nonsense. who no Sabi read Bible? who told you everyone must be a Christian?
You become a good girl suddenly on Facebook and everywhere when You can't find Boyfriend and Husband and you be acting Religious. Keep Fooling yourselves.

5: MARRIAGE MUST NOT WORK -

It's not by force! It must not work.
Qualified people get disqualified from job interviews, Beautiful women get HIV, some hard working men don't have stacks of cash, we fight with our parents, brothers and sisters and family and friends - yet we love them and yet we fight and sometimes goes for years without speaking so.

 Yes! it's not by force. it must not work! it's not A must!!! NOTHING IN THIS WORLD IS A MUST!
Eat, don't eat, sleep, don't sleep, have tons of sex, don't have tons of sex, It's Not a must, please!!! Don't die in a marriage or relationship because things are not working out.
Try your best to keep the core foundation together and if the heat is too much then get the hell out of the kitchen.
No be by force and stop looking down on those who do their best, It's not easy but hey- that's all.

6: PERFECT AND ROSY IS RELATIVE - STOP STICKING TO STEREOTYPES!

There's nothing I don't hear or read these days...Marriage is not perfect, marriage is not a bed of roses, married people are not happy, married people are pretending, I heard they fought always...blah blah blah and so on and so forth........Damn!!!! So what and so what?

Who told you so? Have you taken time to look at your immediate family relationship with your mother, father, sisters and brothers and cousins? Have You? How perfect is it?

Did you also look at the relationship between you and your colleagues at work? how perfect is it?

Have you checked the relationship between you and your best friends? How when Mary and Jane discuss, they destroy Jennifer and vice versa? How perfect is it?

...And have you checked the relationship between your tongue and your teeth? Your nails and your nose? your knife and your hands? the onions and your eyes? your mobile phone and your internet? your bank account and all your desires? your certificate and your car? have you? So, please try and come to define perfect to me once again, let's see how far we can go. By the way...what is even Perfect? I mean somebody define perfect for me...cause it looks like its the democracy between the democratic and republican parties in the united states of America...Nonsense!

7: DON'T FAKE CHANGE AND DON'T START WHAT YOU CANNOT FINISH

Am not even sure this article is for my fellow fake Nigerian(Igbos to a large extent) sisters who fake God, Life and Old age all for marriage while never ever bettering themselves with value.
-The ones who go to cook for a man from day one, do his laundry, fuck him, run to his family house and start trying for everyone to like them by force because of marriage! (a story for another day)
-The ones who run from pastor to pastor, from church to church fooling themselves when all they want is for a pastor to even leave his own wife for them if possible...
......Sudden Born again People!
-You met your boyfriend in a club, you date for two years and club every weekend before marriage. Now you are married to him and you want him to be in church every weekend...my sister...you are on your own oh!
-You are an amazing industrious woman, banker, Actress, Secretary etc. You get married to a man and become a housewife because my husband who is the head of the house because he has a Penis says SO?
Are you sick or something? You lose yourself for a man...for a man my sisters...all your years in school becomes Nothing...na wa for you oh. Chineke!!!

8: MARRIAGE IS TWO FRIENDS CHOOSING TO BE TOGETHER ALWAYS:

-Your husband cooks for you equally like you cook for him because that's what Friends do for each other.
-Your husband Opens your car door equally like you open his doors as you sit in.
-Your husband taking care of the baby equally as you do when you have to hang out with your friends.
-Your husband making the bed equally like you would depend on simple variables like who was at home much later or who rushed out to work.
-Your husband washing the plates like you would - This is how Friends live. This is the only way friends survive.
Mutual Respect and Equality.
-Some men will help their wives with the pregnancy if Biology permits.

Your Husband is Not your head or tail, he is your freaking friend my WONDERS so, please...

Can I just Hear An AMEN !!!

TO BE CONTINUED .....

Collette Orji 

coco's note
when you copy & Paste, Give Due Credit Pls...