Firstly, From a little girl running down the streets with just panties, You will be reminded that you are a girl and Most of what you hear and see growing up is BIOLOGY & MARRIAGE!
These two factors that have absolutely no effect on how humans should treat each other will HUNT you all the days of your life till you do something about it.
I DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT - I CONQUERED IT & THIS IS WHY IM IN ANOTHER LIFE FROM MOST OF YOU. MY BRAIN HAS GONE THROUGH FIRE AND IT'S NOW PURE.
Biology is innate. You can't control your height, your skin color, your facial looks, your breast size, your eye colors, your vagina shape, your ear structure, most often than not - You can't control Biology.
You can't control how you come out of your mother's Uterus or Stomach in cases of Caesarian Births. ( Keep surgery for restructuring out of this, for now, its another topic for adults - not on this post)
You are born usually with complete body parts and as a girl child growing up, two significant biology makes you SHY:
- Development of breast & the menstrual cycle.
This two Biology natural process brings a sudden awareness to your brain. It tells you-you are growing into womanhood. Men, other women and the society at large make womanhood really difficult. Girls become really uncomfortable at the mention of words like Breast, Menses, Vagina, Uterus, Vulva - People want to even call you Vulga for Calling Clittoris, Clitoris( Clit), BUT THAT'S THE FREAKING NAME. The penis is a penis, Blader is bladder and breast is breast.
I REFUSED IN MY EARLY AGES TO BE ASHAMED OF THESE THINGS & I FOUGHT BACK HARD & I USED THEIR NAMES JUST LIKE I USE MOUTH AND EYES BECAUSE THAT'S THE NAME.
Boys calling me names like See your small Nose, Look at how Thin you are because you don't even eat, Girls saying see your Flat chest, you are so ugly, & society saying That girl has a big head - stopped affecting me a long TIME AGO.
OH YES! BUT I FOUGHT! I FOUGHT REALLY HARD!!!
Women, girls, are being reminded of biology minutely as if it's their fault. Using words like Vagina, or private parts or Breast becomes a thing of shame among growing up girls. Menses, Periods which comes to every woman, white black, blue, pink is looked upon as a thing of shame for young growing women. Why? Because their mothers and teachers avoid it like a plague.
Oh, Mothers - You fail the girl child every day! Arise Oh Mothers!
The second is MARRIAGE!
As a girl of 30 in Igboland, Nigeria as an example - You are trampled upon, disrespected, insulted simply because YOU ARE NOT YET MARRIED OR UNMARRIED. I was 18 years old when I returned to Nigeria, My mother had never discussed marriage with me as a thing of importance till we arrived Nigeria and Things changed.
EVERYWHERE WAS MARRIAGE! MARRIAGE! MARRIAGE!!!
YOU WILL SUFFOCATE WITH THAT WORD, GET CHOKED WITH THAT WORD IN NIGERIA. IT IS UNBEARABLE.
I was so lost in Nigeria, nothing I knew WORKED there. Everything was inside out. Another thing that will suffocate you in Nigeria is SUDDEN CHURCH, But today this is not my topic. I was lost.
I kept trying everything anew & I was indeed a stranger in my motherland. These people were Up Side Down. They were Too Extra so they brought me Husbands from 2 months while I was in Nigeria Till Forever. Only my brothers saved me at this juncture. Visions everywhere, Marriage at every turn, competition, strife, Fakeness & misleading lifestyle everywhere. These are things Nigeria will teach You for FREE. Nigeria will demonize you & produce a certain GREED IN You.Trust Me, I know. (The side chic sleeping with sugar daddy lifestyle - IS GENETIC IN NIGERIA, PASTORS & PARENTS ENDORSE IT) Even the very hardworking businessman only strives because of LIES.
After living in Nigeria and making my personal survey - The only occupation I respect so much with very limited disapproval is TEACHING. There are loops but it's still the most dignified. May I be able to open a school in future & have teachers as Friends - Amen!
They Don't Prepare You for marriage in Nigeria, No they dont. They prepare you for SLAVERY. They make you know your place from the beginning and people like me have fought this battle for three decades now. It's Almost UNENDING. Bringing kids into this world to go through this life are decisions im faced with daily & sometimes society wins me on that but back to marriage.
With the HYPE of marriage everywhere as a young female, You just don't know how to walk out of marriage KNOWING how the young unmarried ones, the mothers, the families, the society ADORES AND WORSHIPS IT. This makes women, to Loose themselves daily, the shame they started having as young girls developing breast/Menses continues into marriage and is there to RUIN them all through their lives.
Women are Raised To BE ASHAME! Men get held to very low standards and the balance is far-fetched. Women, have become and will continue to become anything inside a marriage to FIT IN under this SHAME that has nothing to do with them. What Will People Say Tickling Faster than Running Water ( The same people who have NO IDEA OF YOUR DAILY BATTLES)
WELL - I CONQUERED, DEFEATED, MADE A SHOW OF SHAME TO THIS ONE TOO AND STOOD TALL ON MY TERMS IN THIS LIFE! I AM NOT YOUR TYPICAL ''JUST IGBO FEMALE'' IM MORE!!!
Yes, I will NEVER EVER, NEVER EVER Let The shame of BIOLOGY, or the SHAME of Marriage/DIVORCE EVER come between me living this life to the fullest, happening every day, bullshitting Bullshitters, Living within the laws, Using everything good life offered me to stay on top of my own life. I have been a fighter from childhood, and I will FIGHT THIS LIFE THROUGH BECAUSE IM HERE & TILL IM DEAD - IM ALIVE.
Calling me names due to Biology No Longer has any effect on me except a greater determination. Walking Out of a marriage Has No Effect On Me cause I've conquered That.
So, You see, these two factors should be imbibed on girls very early if you want to stop screaming Stop Domestic Violence as if it's some national anthem. People, please Stop the hypocrisy. STOP IT. Until Girls, women are empowered, skilled, independent, learned - all these noises are just Noise.
It starts with how these girls are raised, what they see at home. Remain Ashame when people curse you with your small breast or say see this unmarried one, go and find a husband - That's very Laughable. That is not An Insult at allllllll.
But if you are single, and you dare use marriage to Curse me which is not an insult as well - I will insult you with GO AND MARRY...That's just so we are CLEAR on that. You insult me, I will INSULT you! This Is FACT!!! Man Or Woman. But being ashamed of Biology or marriage....Try the next door! I sent that part to early death.
All Rights Reserved, © Collette Orji
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