I'm so ashamed and depressed that it took me this long to contact you

Hello, CocoWonder, greetings. How You Dey. I read all your articles and post both on your blog and on Facebook and every time you write, it seems like you know me.

I'm so ashamed and depressed that it took me this long to contact you. I dont mind if you post or blog this but please use my name as Chinelo, it is not my real name please. Let me tell you what I'm going through. I came from a very poor background and my husband trained me in school from SS3 till I finished university. He helped my parents with food money and we now live in Aba, Nigeria.

We have 2 kids, 2 girls and we have been married now for 7 years and it is 7 long years of hell. My husband sleeps with one girl in my compound here, he even dresses and takes her out and they come back together all the time. He says he invested in me, and that any day I want to go I can pay him back all the money he paid fro my fees and all the money he has given my mother.

 They even slept in our room yesterday thats why I sent you that first message.

 If I come to my husband's shop, he sends me around like a child. Go and buy rice, go and buy pure water even when we have two shop buys working for us. He shouts at me anytime,anywhere. Even in front of customers, he tells them she's is very stupid and local.
He curses me out all the time. See this one that I took out of poverty, see this big fool who wasted all my money and cannot even give me a male child. Pack your bags and go, go go go, one day I will help you pack it for you so your family can start paying me my money back. Coco, shame is written on my face in our street. Even my 5-year-old daughter is already saying that she will not marry any husband. He abuses me emotionally, mentally and senselessly.

My Mother and sister say I have to manage that I am lucky he even sent me to school, that everybody is managing like that but I read your post and you are strong.

He has never really used his hands on me though he always pushes me anytime I'm too close. I dont know Coco, I DONT KNOW ....I know if I say I've been praying and fasting now since you will curse me out please, reset my brain but dont curse me too much o, please.

And don't stop writing please, we all know what you write is true in marriage, please post this so I can read advice from your followers too. Please reply me, hide my real name and post it as Chinelo. 


Dear Chinelo, Thank You For writing. I write because I know what I am talking about. I only post messages when the sender permits me to so I will post this. Now, I will try to rest your brain and let others help me out. 

 * The simple fact that this bothers you and you chose to write to me is because you know what your husband is doing is wrong and what im writing mostly is a practical reality. I want to ask you a question - What happened to the school you went to? I mean, education is the greatest gift you can give anyone. It is the only gift you shall leave the earth with so I am just asking, why did you go to school if it is to come become a baby making machine to an arrogant illiterate egoistic afternoon pig?

YOU finished school, you didn't try getting a job to help your husband out, you didn't try helping him to build his business, you became an overachiever, madame born pikin housewife to an overgrown baby of a man. Well, you have not improved in value over the years and because the marriage was like a father sending his daughter to school, he feels like he's done his job and he is now tired and bored. I don't pity you, I pity the situation because 98% of igbo married woman have this senseless kind of drama but i need you to make a decision to do one thing right - Bring in someone that your husband respect, priest or Elder, After he now sits down and he's relaxed, tell the man to go away and tell him why you brought the man but didn't want to talk in front of him, talk to him heart to heart. 

I know this won't work, but do it to avoid stories that touch. If he misbehaves, take your kids and take yourselves to your home. He should come and take his wife back if he needs her. There should also be some form of welfare services for women for moderation, and please - GET BUSY...GET A JOB.

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