I promised to finish up this story when I completed one thousand blog post. Well, it's a personal dark story so I couldn't finish it on time but yes! Congrats to me, we have made over 1,500 posts.
It's not easy my wonders - Congrats to me Collette Orji.
Now to the story, It's been one year now my family lost my mother. I sometimes want to summarise my story from 2015 to 2017, but if I do, I will dish out materials from my soon to be launched books so, I'll pass. I don't know who your mother was to you, I can only imagine, yes I can imagine who your mother is to you, to me, my mother was thousands of women into one.
I pride myself as a strong person with a good heart.
I tell myself all the time that you are filled with common sense and kindness...but that's not entirely true. There's a part of me that's both sensitive, Bitchy and very needy.
I stood with my mother's corpse, as an autopsy was carried out on her. Yes! I watched as the mortician, doctor tore her up and took pictures and carried out the test and sewed her up and covered her body.
Yes! I remember watching, tears filled eyes, swollen throat, running nose, eyes shutting and opening, heart pounding, hair pinned on me, cold in my heart, I watched, I starred, hoping, wishing, believing she could just open her mouth to say something one more time.
Oh! how I cried. I've never before been brought to my knees in more hopelessness than ever. It's not exactly because of death...
No! it's not because death was a strange thing, after all, I had just lost my father four years prior to losing to my mother...so no! it wasn't entirely because death hurts and brings us to our knees...
It was one thing and one thing only ....Happiness!
Yes, I know! you are wondering what I meant by happiness? did I mean that I was happy amidst my tears? Hell No! God forbids that a word like that is associated with death.
As I cried, and wailed and moaned and wish and kept thinking and kept hoping - I realised My Mother was a very happy woman whom if more life was left in her, she could have still empowered more but more so - I may also have remained that backsliding mummy's girl.
She had children she can tell you she heard from daily. she had grandchildren whom she loved so much. She had travelled the world and lived in major cities. She had in terms of worldly pleasures all that she needed.
My Mother Carolynn Orji was beautiful and strong! Lets' leave those two adjectives for the sake of this article. I discovered something.sSomething I had learnt when my father Had passed away but simply forgotten it again - LIFE GOES ON.
You see, that's how life is, It just goes on as if nothing happened. The sun still rise and darkness still comes at night and people just go back into their lives ...yes, then you are left so empty, broken, wrecked, a huge lump in your hearts and dangerously burdened.
during this time, I watched most of my friends. yes, I did.
I took note of those who knew me, knew my mother, and are aware of her passing, and I watched. I can't forget those who called, cared continuously, asked questions, shared their money with me, their time, their presence - No! I cannot forget these.
Even more, how can I ever forget the colleagues, friends, near and far who acted as if they had no idea and treated it like nothing while they waited for Collette Orji to finally heal and start SLAYING for them once again on social media? Yes! I know! I know!
Well, I became a healing child in progress. I had received the biggest setback in my family as of then. All of a sudden, I remembered why happiness struck me that day while my mother was been cut and sewn.
You will have no one else to blame in this life if when you are 60, 70, 80, 90 and If Life permits 100 years old and die unhappy.
No one will be blamed. I realised that you shall lay alone, on your own in the mortuary and no one irrespective of how they loved and want you back will come lay with you.
I learnt that you will regret more the things you didn't do, than the things you did.
I learnt that the things that truly matter are free
I learnt, oh better still I remembered my dad saying - You cannot please the world, remember Jesus couldn't.
I learnt that the race is not to the swift nor to the fastest.
I learnt that I am black from African and some are white from Sweden and so shall it be forever and ever and that it means nothing.
I learnt that some people will not like you and some will like you, that it is normal.
I learnt that being hopeful is more valuable especially when there is practicality and action because nothing happens except you happen.
I learnt that being nice does not change the perspective of reality.
I learnt that my life is in my hands, my destiny is my hands, my state of mind is largely in my hands. I can choose to die today or live.
I learnt that I have the powers to refocus and refocus and refocus.
I learnt that I will rather fry puff - puff in a new city than to be poor.
I learnt that happiness is contentment.
I learnt that everyone dies, and I'm not afraid of dead but I will live daily.
I learnt that there is no time, That the only time you really truly have is NOW!
I learnt that, the biggest lesson you will ever learn about Life is Death.
I learnt that the world really doesn't own me a penny but I owe the world hence I'm giving back my knowledge every day.
I learnt that I come first and will come first to me because I cannot give you what I don't have.
I learnt to act accordingly and stay away from those who don't want to be by me.
I learnt so much - above all - I learnt that you cannot plant yam and harvest cocoyams, that the world and humans are greedy and good, that the only way to get out of the world is to die, that what I do, and don't do will be judged anyways.
most importantly - I grew up and decided that my life is in my hands and I shall do with it as I please. I shall inspire, talk, and I know - no matter how you try, I will Rise!
I think I've known pain... So I know Happiness.
I do the things I do because I want to! you have a life, you have 24 hours a day, do with you and yourself what you want to.
|AllRights Reserved © Collette Orji 2017|
...To be Continued...
Collette Orji - I Was In A Dark Place...I Was Helpless...I Received Sense and Grew Up... (Part 1)Part two loading soon